Friday, July 20, 2012

Confession (Chapter 15)

“Is the food okay? You’ve got thinner lately..” Leeteuk look at Sora’s plate. She’s not eating much.

“I just don’t feel like eating much Oppa. My head still dizzy.” Hearing so, Leeteuk put his hand on Sora’s head to check on her temperature.

“I think you've got a fever! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Unconsciously he holds Sora’s hand. Concern with her condition. Sora seems a bit surprise. They never hold hands outside filming. Well, they never had a private time like this outside filming. It’s kind of awkward for her.

Sora slowly pulling her hands from Leeteuk but Leeteuk is faster than her and grabs her hands tighter.

“Why? You don’t want to hold hands with me?”

“We’re not filming..”

“Should we just hold hands during filming only? What if I told you my feeling are genuine?” Leeteuk try to be open up about his feeling towards her. Trying to look at Sora's acceptance.

“Don’t joke. Things might get complicated..” Sora serious. She’s pulling her hand harder this time. Leeteuk glance at Sora, seems like she’s trying to hide something. Leeteuk couldn’t help but been wondering about it looking at her expression just now. Noticing the glance, Sora feels uncomfortable and started to look elsewhere.

“Maybe we should go now. The weather’s getting colder and you’re having a fever. It’s not good for you to stay outside.” Leeteuk notice Sora awkwardness and change the topic. Sora slowly nodded agreeing to the suggestion.

They went back to their hotel without any words being said while they’re in the car. The situation became a bit awkward after what happened just now at the restaurant.

"This is awkward" Leeteuk trying to starts the conversation.

"Ae.." Sora's short.

"What's wrong with your expression? Do you feel burdened being here with me now?" Suddenly Leeteuk asked Sora seeing her uncomfortable expression.

"Anie.." Again, she replied shortly. Don't feels like talking much. Again Leeteuk looked at her wondering what's happening. This is not the normal bubbly Sora that he knows.

“Oppa, I'm going to the beach for a while..” Sora said to Leeteuk as they reached the resort. She's been wanting to taking a stroll on the seaside clearing her mind.

“But you’re not that well. I’ll follow you” Leeteuk's worried.

“Please.. I need time alone” Sora hold Leeteuk’s arm trying to stop him from following her. He looked at Sora’s face, there is sadness in her eyes just like when he saw her after the accident earlier today. It makes him wonder what really had happened that makes her feel that sad.

“Keep your phone with you okay? Don't go too far..". Leeteuk agrees but with condition. Sora nodded understands to what he said.

She knows Leeteuk is always care about her but she also realizes that Leeteuk is a person that will never be with her. A hallyu-star with an actress which not much people knows like her. It’s like one part of the world meeting the other. He’s a very attentive man, with lots of gestures and positive attitude. But he’s also a man loved by many. Leeteuk helped her a lot in being who she is currently, but that’s not the reason why she’s falling in love with him.

She look at the beautiful blue sea in front of her. The wind trying to blew her problems away. She sigh hardly. “It’s impossible for him to like me when he has so many good choices around him” Sora’s talking to herself. Trying to let go of the feeling is not that easy as she thinks.

“Maybe I need to stop doing this program. I won’t be meeting him again... There’s no reason for me to meet him again” She's trying hard to came out with the solution to solve her complex feelings. The feelings that she's been trying to hold and contain from the beginning of the show.

Her eyes get teary again. This time it’s unstoppable. She can’t make up her mind. She can’t stop her heart to fell for Leeteuk. Her stupid heart just can't do it..

Leeteuk looked at his virtual wife from afar. He’s been worried about her, but he wonders what has been disturbing her so much. He can see from Sora’s expression that she’s hiding something, something that hurt her.

Slowly he’s walking towards Sora who is sitting on the sea sands while hugging her knees. He noticed sobbing sounds from Sora which makes him more curious with what's make her this sad.

“Sora-ya, why were you crying? Are you okay?” Softly he hold Sora's shoulder. 
Sora surprised when she saw Leeteuk is in front of her. She tries to keep her face away from being seen but Leeteuk’s fastly cupped her face. He holds Sora’s hand tightly.

“Tell me sora-ya. What’s been bothering you? Why are you crying?” Leeteuk still looking at  her wet eyes. It’s so beautiful.


Leeteuk pulls Sora’s head to his shoulder and hug her. Trying to give her some comfort even though he didn’t know the reason why Sora is crying.

It feels so comfortable. The hug is really makes Sora’s heart to calms, but its not for long. Slowly Sora push Leeteuk’s body away from her. She start to be in denial again.. Denying her feeling towards Leeteuk.

Leeteuk look at Sora with thousand questions. Is he the reason why Sora’s crying? Suddenly that thought came to his mind. Sora still keeping her head down, not being able to face Leeteuk.

“Sora, please tell me honestly. Why are you being like this? You make me worried” He looked at Sora waiting for her to look at him back.

Sora trying to calm herself down. She knows how protective Leeteuk can be, and for her  being like this, he won't just let it go easily. That is one of the good traits in Leeteuk that made her fall for him.

"Sora ya.." He softly stroke Sora's silky hair. He cares for the person in front of him and its hurt him so much when he sees her crying like this.

“I wanted to stop this” Sora is taking off Leeteuk's hand from her head and wipe off the tears from her face.

"Stop what?" Leeteuk frowned.

"Things started to get hard for me. It's hard for me when i'm with you. I want this to stop."  She's serious.

Leeteuk look at Sora puzzled. He couldn't get the meaning behind Sora’s words.

"Lets stop from making things more complicated than what it is now." Sora got up and look at the deep sea. She don't want to look at Leeteuk’s face. She’s determined to do this.

“What are you saying?” Leeteuk's still couldn't get the situation. He look up for her.

“I feel burdened with our on-screen relationship. I don't want to continue this any longer”

“What do you mean? Isn’t we promised to really date for the show?” He's frowning. Really didn't get the situation.

“The show is burdening me. I'm started to fall for you for REAL and I hate myself for it!!” Sora finally telling it out loud. Her tears started to fall again. She turned her face, not able to face Leeteuk's reaction towards her confession.

Leeteuk's glued at where he's standing. He didn’t expect this to come from Sora. Not today. Now it’s explains Sora's sad eyes when she saw him with Taeyeon. Silent and awkward moment surrounding them for awhile.

“Sora-yaa..” He’s grabbing Sora's hand who's trying to run away from the situation. 

"Let me go.." Still, not able to face him.

"Look at me please?" He's soft, trying to calm down the situation.

"Let me go, I shouldn't have said those words" She's trying harder to let loose her hand from Leeteuk's. Leeteuk went in front of her, wanted to see solve this face to face.

"Look.." He's cupping her face while wiping off the tears that is still falling. He's staring at  her big beautiful eyes before continuing with his words. Thinking whether to proceed with his words. 

"Don't say anything. Please.." She's begging while pulling off Leeteuk's hand from her face. 

Sora went off to her room. Looking at Leeteuk's confused expression just now makes her heart hurt, more hurt than before. She shouldn't have said those words in front of him at the first place. She just wish she just didn't blurted out her feelings out just now.

Leeteuk still standing at the beach recalculating back things that just happened. It caught him by surprised. He's been thinking about their relationship and his feelings towards Sora for awhile now but he don't think that its the right time for them yet. Not until he's ready to make the commitment to her in between his busy daily schedules.

After a while, Leeteuk went back to the hotel room looking for Sora. She’s not there. 

"She must be hurt. She might think that i'm not interested with her at all." He thought to himself. He felt guilty. It’s not that he doesn't want to reply her feelings. It's not that he doesn't love her. But the situation is not easy for him. His company's rules, his schedules, his members, his fans, he had to think about all those variables before making his next step.

He take out his phone trying to reach for Sora but she's not picking. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He lost his mind. He really wanted to see Sora after what had happened and clear all things out.

"Sora ya, where are you?" The call went through after a few times it was made.

"I need time on my own. Please ignore what I've said earlier." Immediately Sora hang up after she finish with things that she wanted to say. Her heart hurt, but her love towards that man just won't fade away...

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